I should tell you now that the Journal entries in this blog will be mostly ramblings. I’ll be using this as a place to vent a lot of what goes on in my life so that I might figure out the things that put me in a foul/fowl mood. Of course my ultimate goal is that once I really take a look at the root cause of that sort of thing I might be able to weed it out of my life – perhaps forever.
So here we go…the new year and I’m not quite sure if I have my head on straight.
I’m not quite at the stage of “running around like a chicken with its head cut off”… just slightly discombobulated.
Taking a look at my discombobulation, I’m pretty sure the fault lies mainly in the fact that I’m still on holiday break with the family. I’m out of my personal comfort zone. In my PCZ I have a fabulous house, a swank studio and a trusted routine that includes exercise, work, family and friends. When we leave my PCZ for the vacation home I have a house with lots of potential, no studio or personal space, no routine, random opportunities for exercise, my work, family and frustrations.
Holidays which consist of going to a second/vacation home are rarely peaceful or relaxing for the woman of the house. This is particularly true when the space is confined and the man of the house is not a “Yes Dear Man”. Aahhh, to have a YDM, now that would be a fairy tale ending… but I do not have my own YDM, I have a “What?! Man”. When I want to spruce up the landscaping…”What?!” When I want to create a nicer outdoor living space…”What?!” When I want to add on to the house… well, you get the picture. Let’s just say my WhatMan and I don’t quite agree on priorities at the vacation home. This is especially challenging to accept because I am a true artist – so I envision a house in all of its amazing potential but then don’t have control of the funds that are required to implement my vision. This is absolutely the reason I have fallen in love with my medium of choice – recycled magazines. NOBODY (especially my spouse) can look into my materials costs and say “What?!”
While I waver back and forth in my general acceptance and repellence of the state of our vacation home there is an added level of annoyance in how we use the place. In general the house is used as an isolation booth – it blows up with personal computers, ipads, iphones and all the supporting cordage and backup drives the minute we walk through the door. There are a couple reasons this is so vexing. First, it’s a total mess and with one main room that serves as living/dining/kitchen, to turn it into office as well is ridiculous! I can’t close a door on the main room – so all that mess is just right where we live – on the table where we eat (or can’t eat because of the MESS). Did I mention it’s a mess? Second: if we’re just going to bring out the computers (pot meet kettle as I write this) then why do we have to drive 12 hours, argue about a house and leave my PCZ to do it? I’ll admit the family’s response would be it’s because we’re sitting here running air conditioners and slathering on sunscreen while most of the country (USA) is freezing their privates off in winter storm Gorgon – but hey, I’m in the middle of a rant here, so just ignore that. And when we schlep down here in the summer time when it’s hot enough to fry eggs on the street, THEN what’s the argument??
To be fair there are some very cool activities we do while we’re here (sometimes). We have toys galore for the young and old: boat, kayaks, paddle boards, bicycles, snorkeling/SCUBA equipment, tennis and more. So I DO take advantage of those things when the weather cooperates – which can be as much as 80% of the time but as low as 10% of the time. I can also go jogging to put in a little of the sorely missed exercise from home. Of course exercise in my PCZ is not really about exercise, it’s about people. My gym is my church. Not that I worship my body or anybody’s body, but that’s where I get my community. As a bonafide extrovert I get my energy from others. When I walk into the gym I spend the first ten minutes or so catching up with my friends. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and genders. I take group classes with people enough that I can genuinely call them my friends and invite them for parties and get togethers on a regular basis. When I’m away from the gym and the community it provides me I don’t get my morning shot of good energy. My body misses the activity and my soul misses the interactivity.
So as part of the therapy I hope to garner from the journaling part of this blog let me see if I can turn the foul mood created by this “vacation” around or at least into a learning experience. After reading and re-reading this it’s obvious that I need to bring more items from my PCZ into my vacation home experience. First on that list is a fabulous house – hmmm – let’s skip that one for now – that item is so tied up in the power struggles between my spouse and I that it’s out of my control. Second is a swank studio and the work I create there. On this trip I went to extreme efforts to bring my work with me – pre-packaged 16 projects, seven of which I completed – including the first week’s project for Year of the Fowl Mood. Next would be exercise that includes opportunity for interactivity. This is actually easy to accomplish and we DID get a ten visit pass for the local gym, but after one visit I never felt the pull to attend again. It might have been that MY community doesn’t exist there or it might have been that the class we went to was so kick-ass that I had to leave in the middle and felt like a total loser. Neither of those excuses should stand in my way, I’m just whining – gotta fix that! The family part we’ve got handled – we force them to come with us and we get the extension of grandparents while we’re here. Lastly is friends. In general we don’t have friends here. We have isolated ourselves over the 20 years of having this place. Sometimes we invite friends – that’s always fun, but we don’t do it every time we come and maybe we really need to. I think I need to put myself “out there” more and make more friends here. It difficult to form friendships when we’re here for just a few days at a time and then we go away for months in between – but if I can create true friendships out of the few minutes I see a person before a spin class I can surely create them with extra time spent during school holidays!
Ok – there you have it – New Year’s Resolutions for 2015: one masterpiece per week, one journal entry for the blog per week, keep my PCZ comfortable, make my vacation home more like my PCZ! I can do that!